What

Vipassanā is a Buddhist term that is often translated as "insight" or "clear seeing." The point of a Vipassana Retreat is to disconnect from the outside world, reconnect with yourself, and learn how to observe life with detachment. The retreat itself has nothing to do with any organized religion or sectarianism. A Vipassana Retreat can last anywhere from 3 days to 3 months and can be done alone or with a group.

In 2018, Jack Dorsey Tweeted about doing a 10-day Vipassana Retreat, which is where I first learned about it. I was intrigued, but not ready. In 2021, I was reminded of Vipassana while reading Will Smith's autobiography. After a second glance at my original research notes from 2018, and my calendar, I decided it was time.

Official Vipassana Rules: Abstain from killing any being, stealing, sexual activity, telling lies, intoxicants, eating after midday, sensual entertainment (as in, 'to do with the senses,' so no social media, music, etc.), bodily decorations, and high or luxurious beds. Students also observe what's known as noble silence – you only speak to people involved in the logistics of the retreat (e.g. a teacher). This means no outside contact is permitted (like texting or phone calls). Also, no reading or writing. You can use cameras only with the express permission of the teacher. Lastly, there are multiple hours of mandatory meditation each day.

Lucas's Vipassana Rules: every rule listed above, with the addition of: a daily 5-minute cold shower, exercise, reading, writing, and for the first 8 days, no food - just a bowl o' broth.

To be clear, this is a modified Vipassana: I chose to read, write, and not eat for the first 8 days. For outcomes desired, this approach turned out to be suitable. Also, I did briefly speak on two occasions: Day 5 to the site proprietors to confirm I wasn't dying of starvation; and on Day 8 to receive a grocery delivery.

Why

New Years is a unique holiday because it's one of the few where goal-setting is part of the experience. I love the holiday. Some of my past resolutions have been versions of the following, with metrics: Read more books. Get in better shape. Do more creative things. Challenge myself. Learn a new lifelong skill. Improve focus. Drink More (no, not water). Be more intentional in my gratitude.

This New Years Eve, I thought, instead of waiting for the New Year to tackle resolutions, why not bundle some of the resolutions and start the New Year having just completed them?

Some of my 2022 resolutions were/are:

  • Do a Vipassana Retreat
  • Do a dopamine fast (inspired by Anna Lembke's Dopamine Nation)
  • Learn to meditate (actually learn - not just follow an app)
  • Write & publish 1 essay a month
  • Learn the basics of web3/crypto; write & publish a synopsis
  • Read at least 1 nonfiction book a month
  • Get abs again (~12% body fat)
  • Write 5 in-depth thank-you's a month

The goal was to achieve all of the above in the 10 days leading up to December 31st, 2021. Why fast, too? Three reasons: 1) to get quickly into the fasted state in which you have increased mental acuity, 2) to remain in a steep caloric deficit, and 3) to make meditation more challenging (it was).

How

I rented a room on a small farm in Nashville, Tennessee, disconnected from the outside world, and began. Here are some fun excerpts from my journal. Skip to the bottom if you want just the takeaways. Lastly, if you want to do a Vipassana, you can find all of their material online, free.

Day 1. 16:55 - I keep dreaming about a bakery – raspberry cupcakes, blueberry muffins, and macadamia nut cookies everywhere. It's been ONE DAY without food. I keep hearing phantom notifications coming from my iPhone, though it's turned off. My thoughts are LOUD. With this much silence you can REALLY can hear yourself think. Also, my cold is getting worse.

23:22 - just did 2hrs, 22min of meditation. Can't feel my legs. These monks ain't playin'.

Day 2. 11:30 - holee woah. Just did a meditation exercise from Pema Chodron's book: horrible experiences and delightful experiences are actually similar (from a physics perspective), WE'RE the ones that assign those circumstances a label/emotion/value. We're the interpreter that assigns the experience its meaning - life is so just in our heads. This explains Victor Frankl in Man's Search For Meaning. He was in a concentration camp getting slowly killed and still found reasons to be happy and optimistic about the future. Wasn't easy, but sure is accessible.

14:58 - starting to get dizzy as body goes moves into ketosis. Also, alotta thoughts about me being a badass for doing this fast. Lol - the hunger is going to humble me so hard. Also, unexpected perk of this: I'm just rollin' from book to book - no distractions, no breaks in between. Like TikTok, but for the soul.

Day 3. 17:36 - am starting to lucid dream harder than I ever have in my entire life. It takes me about 30min when I wake up to actually understand I'm not dreaming any more. I just dreamt I worked at coding startup Replit, and was actually sitting and coding in the dream. That's not that far fetched. What is wild is that I was actually coding in the dream -- like I remember mentally wrestling with specific code in the dream. I'm mentally tired like I just finished a work day.

Day 4. 00:33 currently still reeling from having my mind blown in that last meditation session. This sensation is wild. Just buckets of endorphins.

05:15 The rooster keeps crowing outside, and I swear if he doesn't stop, I'm making Chik-Fil-A.

09:23 real talk I'm ready to quit. What am I doing here. Guess I'ma try and meditate away these negative feelings. Just walked 5.5 miles. Struggling feeling lonely.

22:01 I sincerely don't want to meditate anymore. Day 4 has been the most difficult, by far.

Day 5. 00:29 - ya boy is HUNGRY. Also, I love Marvel too much. Three-four times a day I find myself wanting to watch a Marvel movie and/or TV show. This is probably because I keep dreaming about the Avengers, will be in the thick of battle next to Hulk, then wake up and see it's time... to meditate and drink some broth. Also, I do not like broth anymore.

03:52 started crying this morning. Day 5, huh? This sitting alone thing and reviewing my life in full is getting more and more difficult.

Day 6. 00:22 Day 6. Just woke up. Mind is struggling to focus. Feels foggy. Keep falling asleep doing random stuff. The resistance training + fasting has turned out to be remarkably brutal on the whole system. The hunger is fine; it's the system shutting down during random tasks that is becoming a problem.

10:50 3 cups of coffee is a rough way to precede a meditation session.

11:38 I'm so Zen.

11:39 I'm so hungry for 6 pancakes with maple syrup and crunchy Canadian bacon with a side of 2 scrambled eggs, a Costco pepperoni pizza, and a rack of ribs swimming in BBQ sauce. With a ribeye steak and mashed potatoes for dessert. I'd like seconds, please.

Day 7. 07:20 struggling to mentally focus. The lethargy from fasting + exercising is hitting hard. I do find that when lethargy hits hardest, if I focus on my breath, "in... out..." I'm able to focus quite well. An unexpected side effect of fasting while doing this: it is EASY to drop into hyper focused meditation. Took me about 2 minutes this morning -- clear mind, no distractions.

07:24 Another benefit of being this fasted and 'mindful': tolerance for BS from myself is low. That's the neat thing about fasting: it focuses the mind. We doin' something productive? No? Then why we doin' it. Next. lol - I'd probably be so accidentally rude to people right now.

12:32 I am going to take a nap right now. I have to sleep to get past this food ache.

Day 8. 02:05 struggling with energy management, focus, and fatigue, big time.

06:39 generally speaking, messy writing is either a) messy thinking, or b) dishonesty trying to be dolled up

Day 9. 09:24 feelin' great. Amazing what food will do. I'm LIT with energy. Unstoppable.

12:05 After eating today, I had CRAZY amounts of dopamine. Smiled like a fool and meditated for hours just floating in happiness. My body rewarded me for eating by dumping absolute buckets of dopamine. Buckets. Never felt that sustained feeling of euphoria before. Haha resistance training made everything worse.

Day 10. 12:00 So grateful. So humbled. I'm a lucky guy. Time to get back to work, by gettin' rowdy on New Years with the greatest group of people. Ahhh, a life of extremes.

Some of the books read during this retreat

  • How to Meditate: A Practical Guide to Making Friends With Your Mind by Pema Chödrön
  • As a Man Thinketh: 21st Century Edition by James Allen
  • Think Like a Monk by Jay Shetty
  • Self Knowledge by Mark Manson
  • The Untethered Soul by Michael Alan Singer
  • The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida
  • Aspire by Kevin Hall
  • Wherever You Go, There You Are by Jon Kabat-Zinn
  • I Know Why the Caged Birds Sing by Maya Angelou
  • Awareness by Anthony de Mello
  • Fallen Leaves by Will Durant
  • Right Concentration by Leigh Brasington
  • The Skeptics’ Guide to the Universe: How to Know What’s Really Real in a World Increasingly Full of Fake
  • The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck

Takeaways

  • You have two minds. People call them by different names: the Monk and the Monkey mind; the Upper and Lower you; the Thinking Mind and the Observing Mind; the human brain and the lizard brain; 'I' and 'self'; you and your 'inner roommate.' This was not a new concept to me (or to you, probably). What was new was learning how to distinguish between the two in real time, across a variety of emotions.
  • You learn fast when there's nothing else to do.
  • Constantly having a movie on, TV show on, perusing social media, etc. trains your attention to be fragmented.
  • Emotional management > energy management. Better manage your emotions and you can more precisely regulate your energy.
  • When you feel pain, anger, sadness, regret, anything - don't fight the feelin'. Feel those emotions fully. Repress nothing. The trick is to not act on those emotions.
  • All of your life happens between your ears. Everything. The Universe doesn't label anything as 'good' or 'bad' - stuff just happens. Stars explode, Earth spins, and people win Darwin awards. This means you can change life so completely and instantly just by re-assessing what's going on in your head. (The instant part I didn't fully appreciate until completing some of the exercises from Pema Chodron's book.)
  • Single-task. Effective, sustained multitasking is a fallacy.
  • 100% disconnection from people and media allows you to hear your innermost thoughts with clarity. Your thoughts GET REAL LOUD, REAL FAST.
  • Fasting while meditating focuses the mind. Fasting while resistance training drains the soul. (In 2019, I fasted for 14 days without resistance training - felt fine. This 2021 fast was 7 days with resistance training - felt awful. That first bite of protein brownie after the 7 day fast was pure euphoria.)
  • There seems to be a cultural misunderstanding of meditation in the West. There is some progress. For example, therapists implementing breath-work and other mindfulness techniques that originated from meditation is fantastic. But, after this retreat, I see there is still substantial value in meditation yet to be made mainstream. Perhaps with better tools we can quantify the effectiveness of different mindfulness work and provide more specific exercises? (Kernel, for example, is doing great work quantifying the brain.)
  • Life stops for no one. Every moment is a choice: are you proud of your choice? To quote Thoreau, "Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in..."

So, what now?

Now, I continue building on these new habits and skills into 2022. I review my lil' flashcards I made of all the realizations I had from this week. I thank my lucky stars for being alive right now, in this day and age. And I go tell my loved ones how amazing they are and how fortunate I am to be in their lives. Happy New Year, y'all.

P.S. For those asking, I went from 202.1 pounds down to 182.2 pounds in 8.5 days. Pics below for proof. Tragically, most of that weight loss was water and muscle. (Left pic was after workout on 1st day ; right pic was after hardest, most depleted workout on 7th day.)

10 Day Vipassana Retreat: How to Not Eat for 8 Days